Save the Flies!

Move over, whales. Chill out, penguins and polar bears. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has a new campaign: save the flies.

Yes, the flies. As in, the maggot-laying, filthy flies.

No, this is not a story from the Onion. Apparently we're not getting punk'd. It's not April Fool's Day. PETA seriously wants to save the flies. Not the flies joyously buzzing about in the wild, the flies in your house. No joke.

During filming of an interview with Barack Obama on CNBC, a fly pestered the president. Obama said, and I quote, "Hey, get out of here." The interviewer said, "That's the most persistent fly I've ever seen." Then the fly landed on Obama's left hand, and Obama gave it good hard slap with his right hand, killing it, dead, dead, dead. The interviewer said (and again I quote directly), "Nice." Obama said, "Now, where were we? That was pretty impressive, wasn't it? I got the sucker... It's right there, you want to film that? There it is."

Why, the heartless bastard. See the travesty for yourself:



According to the Associated Press, "PETA is sending President Barack Obama a Katcha Bug Humane Bug Catcher, a device that allows users to trap a house fly and then release it outside."

If you think this is a joke, check out PETA's store, where you can purchase the contraption for a mere eight dollars.

As the AP reports, PETA spokesman Bruce Friedrich said, "We support compassion even for the most curious, smallest and least sympathetic animals. We believe that people, where they can be compassionate, should be, for all animals... [S]watting a fly on TV indicates he's not perfect, and we're happy to say that we wish he hadn't."

Okay. Let me just come out and say it. The PETA crew is insane. It is not "humane" to catch a fly and release it into the wild. It is stupid. It is pathetic. It is ridiculous. It is insulting to the humanity -- and the intelligence -- of actual people.

The reality is that Obama's swift, decisive action toward the fly ranks among his most impressive moments as president. If Obama would stand up to Ahmadinejad's Iran or North Korea with half the backbone that he stood up to that fly, I wouldn't worry nearly as much about the threat of nuclear warfare.

Sea Kittens Yum

As I've mentioned before, I've taken to reading Jason Sheehan's restaurant reviews for Westword, which has nothing to do with my interest in restaurants (which is minimal). Now he's taken on PETA:

Yes, that's right. PETA is currently campaigning to have the name "fish" changed to "sea kitten." ... Once netted, they are either suffocated or clubbed in the head or decapitated. None of this overshadows the fact that they are delicious, and that the only way to get them from the ocean to my belly is to kill them.

Sea kittens -- yum.

Gore Not Green Enough

As the environmentalist frenzy heightens, even Al Gore finds himself targeted for his un-green ways. A story from Fox reports:

Look out, Al Gore... People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals says you are refusing to face one very "inconvenient truth."

On Monday, the animal rights organization launched the campaign offsetalgore.com (conveniently timed for Earth Day) in an attempt to counter the effects that they say the former vice president's meat-laden diet has on Mother Nature.

While reps for Gore had no comment, Pop Tarts confirmed with people who have worked with the ex-veep that he loves his steak and sausage, plus he was notorious for chowing down on the almost all-meat Atkins diet during his run for president.

A recent report published by the United Nations determined that raising animals for food generates about 40 percent more greenhouse gas emissions than all the cars, trucks, ships and planes in the world combined.

Of course, PETA is using green paint to coat its animal-rights agenda. PETA wouldn't approve of eating meat even if it reduced greenhouse gas emissions. But vegetarianism is also very much an environmentalist issue. It is telling that Gore, who has done more than perhaps anyone else to publicize global warming, is now the target of environmentalists.

Ultimately, environmentalism holds that it is a moral crime to be alive as a human being, for living as a human being requires the use of natural resources. If environmentalists succeeded at banning meat, then they would go after modern farming, which has vastly expanded the world's population while lifting much of the world out of poverty, for farming too has an environmental impact. It is no coincidence that some environmentalists yearn for the era when the earth's population of humans was a tiny fraction of what it is today, and humans lived barely above the level of the animals around them.

Boulder Bans Pink Pooch

Unbelievable. Put this is the "only in Boulder" file:

The Boulder salon owner facing a $1,000 fine for dyeing her miniature poodle pink will have to wait for her day in court.

... Joy Douglas, owner of Zing Salon... appeared before a judge in Boulder Municipal Court and asked for her hearing to be rescheduled because she's retained a defense attorney.

The judge granted Douglas' request and reset her hearing for April 7.

Officials at the Humane Society of Boulder Valley issued Douglas a ticket on March 1 for violating Section 6-1-14 of Boulder's city code, titled "Dyeing fowl and rabbits prohibited."

Douglas has insisted she didn't break that law, because she uses beet juice -- and occasionally Kool-Aid -- to "stain" her dog Cici's coat. She said she never has used chemicals, and her pooch never has had a reaction to the stain. ...

She also reiterated her claim that she dyed the dog pink to support breast cancer awareness.

Is this some sort of elaborate practical joke? Apparently not. Here is the code in question:

6-1-14 Dyeing Fowl and Rabbits Prohibited; Selling Dogs, Cats, and Fowl Limited.

(a) No person shall dye or color live fowl, rabbits, or any other animals or have in possession, display, sell, or give away such dyed or colored animals.

This reminds me of the colorful horses in the Wizard of Oz -- except that Oz makes a hell of lot more sense than Boulder policies.

The Denver Post adds:

Not everyone who saw pink Cici was pleased, and some customers called the Humane Society of Boulder Valley, whose commissioned officers enforce the city's animal ordinances. ...

"We've received a number of complaints about the dog," said Lisa Pedersen, director of the humane society. "We've been out to talk with Joy several times. Finally, we gave her a ticket to let the courts decide the issue."

"This is a misrepresentation of what animal control is supposed to be," said Douglas, who drives a pink scooter, a pink car and now is looking for a lawyer to represent her and her pink dog. "This doesn't hurt Cici at all. We color her about once a week to keep it bright. She's fine."

Pedersen agreed that the dog appears to be well-cared for, except that she's pink.

So then why doesn't Pedersen -- and the other intolerant asses in Boulder who registered the complaints -- mind their own damned business?